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There is STILL a chicken in the guest bathroom. I’ve decided that her issue is probably not being egg bound. I feel like she’d have gotten worse or laid an egg by now. Not sure what her issue is, but she’s still eating, drinking and fascinated by my glasses, hair, fingers, and she’s trying to develop language skills. I wish she would so she could tell me what the heck her issue is so I can fix it and stop hovering over her like… yes, a mother frickin’ hen.

Finally on to the floors. I didn’t CARE if the vacuum disturbed Her Highness. I’d been itching to get this project started. Needless to say, I did not work on the guest bathroom floor, and won’t be until the bird is out of there, but that’s okay. I had the rest of this house to keep me plenty busy, especially with such a late start.

First up was to get the ornaments off the tree so that I could safely remove the dastardly dachshund fence that protects my ornaments from pilferage every year. I need that fence to corral the dastardly dachshunds before I vacuum and certainly before I get on my hands and knees to scrub baseboards and corners. I’ll have a face full of hound the entire time if I don’t. Of course, currently the dastardly duo are both obsessing over the alien being locked in the bathroom, but I can’t count on that to override them obsessing about mom on the floor where she can be hounded mercilessly.


   Sheldon and Amy in jail, staring at the door to the guest bath where they have been obsessing about the chicken for two days.

With the hounds jailed for the day, I hauled out my vacuum cleaner. If y’all remember my January Cure blogging from last year, you may recall that my upright vacuum and I had a less than harmonious relationship. I believe I mentioned that it was inhabited by the spirit of Ted Bundy since every time I vacuumed it attempted to kill me several times. Seriously, there was bloodshed, bruising, and many a goose egg sized lump involved. I had nightmares about that vacuum for pete’s sake. I desperately needed a canister vacuum but couldn’t spend that kind of money, especially since I had a vacuum that worked. Fate intervened over the summer.

The murderous vacuum, Bundy, burned up (no, not in the fire pit). I began trying to find a canister vacuum that I could somewhat afford. That same week a local estate sale business posted photos of some new items they’d gotten. One item was a Kenmore Progressive canister vac. I immediately contacted the business to find out what they were asking. I’d just priced this vacuum online and the lowest price was 300.00, so I was prepared for a high price. She told me they were asking 40.00, yes, she said forty dollars. I told her I’d be there in 20 minutes. Turned out the vacuum had never even been used, came with all the attachments, and even came with bags. I have named it Gilbert Grape. I’ve used it for 6 months and not once has it tried to kill me. There are still the usual wheelchair vs anything with a cord frustrations, but as long as there is no bodily harm and it vacuums I am VERY happy.


My buddy Gilbert

With the vacuuming portion done, it is scooch around on the floor time, getting baseboards and neglected edges and corners. No one likes this part. We can find all kinds of excuses not to do it. I find it extremely difficult because it’s hard for me to get my bad hip and back down on the floor and there is no comfortable way to sit because my bad hip doesn’t bend much. I end up on hands and knees and when knees give out, on my good hip side and that pain is too much I belly crawl. Then, of course, what goes down, must eventually come up for potty breaks, dog breaks, chicken breaks, coffee and snack. I then find it was a lot easier to get down there than finding a way back up with a back and a hip that, by now, are frozen and have no desire to bend whatsoever. This calls for groaning, finding furniture to “climb”, groaning, figuring out how to get the good leg and foot in a position where I can get them underneath me to help propel me to a standing position, more groaning and probably a curse or two as my broken hip components and back bones snap and pop themselves into a sitting position back in my chair. Fun stuff!